The Pawn (Chess)

Opening – Draft 1

Here, not everything is black and white. The corner here behind me is already completely peeled, and it also caught a kind of brownish-beige color. Indeed, you could think that this is my corner, Jesus. It is so boring here. Who knows how long I am stuck on the same corner, same place, same peeling corner.

But I don’t let them see that I'm braking. I stay standing, straight, and proud. Sometimes I feel a kind of illogical confusion of emotions. I feel the tears coming up my throat, almost choking me from the inside. But nobody sees anything. From the outside I'm a rock. I ask myself on who side am I fighting for anyway? What is the logic in keeping me here on guard? When all the fights are happening somewhere else? I feel so stupid, so useless, and so unnecessary.

Opening – Draft 2

Life is not only black and white. I tried telling it to them for god knows how long. But, would they listen to someone like me? Of course not. From here, things look different. But they, what do they care? Look, even my corner started peeling and is catching a grayish brownish color, a color that matches my desperation quite well. But does anyone even cares about my mental side? certainly not the ones that give the orders. I am just a small pawn that does as he's told. Which is so far nothing except standing here like an Idiot for god knows how long.

Don't know nothing about the area. They didn't explain anything. No briefing. No motivation talk, nothing, yok.

Stand. Guard. Even this they didn't really say, but I got it from the context. Far away there's one castle, who knows who it belongs to…

I'm trying the walkie talkie. There's a rustle. Try calling the queen.
"Torn bra from nutshell".
Waiting. Nothing. The Royal Whore wouldn't have answered even if this machine was working, a failing attempt of the system to plant spirit of combat in the soldiers. Throws is to the ground, crushing it with my army boot. It's smashed as a worm.
((Phrases: The weapon is your wife. Queen – the squadron secretary (who did she give a blow job?) King- Fat. The smell of blood in the battle field, it doesn't look the same from up there as it does from down here – battle field.))

Opening – Draft 3

Life is not only black and white, even not in the army. Look even the corner to my left is already starting to peel and changes it's color to a brownish grayish shade of color, one that matched perfectly my desperation. It is SO boring here. What really kills me is that nobody fucking cares. When will they get it that we are not just their pawns? Who knows how long I am stuck here on the same square.

I don't understand the logic behind putting me here when all the fights are else where. All this artillery really scares me. So much fire delivering force and I am just a short soldier with this crappy weapon that probably doesn't even work. I tried talking with the two soldiers guarding on my right. They keep silent, probably afraid. I tried explaining them that together we have power, we don’t have to keep o taking this shit, that life are not black and white, not even in the army. I didn't get even a head nod as reply.

Standing there like scarecrows looking forward with hollow look.

Sometimes I freak out. Maybe they are guarding me?

I am loosing my mind.

Taking responsibility – Draft 1

This is the chance. There is nothing to loose, if it doesn't happen now we will be defeated within a few seconds. I look around at the remaining of our troops. I see eyes gazing at the ground. Heads bowed down in humiliation, hair covered with soot… who will blow into this group of cowards a breeze of fighting spirit? Who will fight for the trampled honor, for the bashed pride? On my right two soldiers are still standing glancing forward like two scarecrows, trying to avoid our enemy's fire. Together we are three. I look at the forces opposite to us and my heart almost stands still, my chest is shrinking in fear. Glorified towers, courageous knights, somewhere the queen appears and countless pawns are ready to attack whatever is left from our forces.

My heart is racing so strong that it feels as if my whole body is the sounding board of an ancient giant bass drum. I see a loop hole.

My God! It's hard to believe but I see a loop hole. From behind I catch a dozing bishop. I yell to him but he pretends not to hear. God, nobody believes in this forsaken cursed place anymore. (Leadership…)

I know nothing about leadership, about charisma. I am a short, skinny soldier (glasses?) and I cannot win this war alone. Who the fuck am I? I am no one, but I'm storming forward. If they don’t get it that anyway we're lost then they are stupid, or cowards.

(The pawn attacks before he sees the weakness point. He charges out of no choice. Only after he is already leading the attack he sees the possibility for victory. The moral (??) when you take your fate in your own hands doors open all by themselves.)

I keep going forward and don't look back. If I will look they will not follow. They need a leader, someone stupid enough to think that he's being followed without checking it. I keep going forward. At first with caution, the enemy's fusillade are whistling all around me, there is no point in attracting fire to me.

It seems that no one notice me. In total, they are right. what can one soldier with a non working weapon can do in the face of all this mighty terrifying forces, one skinny pawn.

Opening – Draft 4

I didn't even want to enlist. I am not a violent man, never was. Of course that with the way I look even if I was violent it wouldn't really make a difference. I'm pretty short. Well, there is no point in denying I am very short. I am skinny and I have big glasses, because I'm practically blind. I'm always told to go straight so I guess this means I'm also a bit bent. Other then that for some reason it seems to me that I am always tired. Not exactly what a keen mean killing machine is made of.

Maximum a clerk, but now I'm here, guarding.

Nothing happens here and nothing will.

The fact I'm here doesn't change anything for no one and if I was somewhere else no body would have cared.

Every once in a while you can hear a cannon from distance, but I'm still not sure if it really happens or if it is just my imafination.