A letter from Shai to Shai

Shai, My dear, you are standing here facing of a cross road that may seem to you trivial, but it is not. Now things may seem to you unimportant, meaningless, small and passing, but it is not so.

If you will choose to walk now on a path that you know that is a path of darkness, nothing will be helpful or useful to you.

No one will save you if you will not save yourself. Not once and not twice you've been dragged into this bottomless pit hole, this hole that sucks every single drop of creativity, this hole that denies you from being who you wish to be, this hole that doesn't allow you to do true transformation in your life, the hole that doesn't allow your talent to be expressed to the outside world. This hole that leads you to a circularly, terrifying frustration, which just goes on and on without stop. The only way to cut this circle of horror is to cut it with your power of will and with your persistence. Stand firm in front of it; know its power is great but that your power is greater. That you can contain this monster, extinguish the consuming fire it sets free in your mind, thanks to the sweet waters of your soul, your eternal, endless soul. You can out the fire with the fountain of your creation, with the water of your mighty talent, the talent for words, the talent for sounds, and the talent for expression. These are your true virtues, and you must cling to them for true satisfaction. The satisfaction that you seek now is nothing but momentarily and unsatisfactory. It is like fast food for the soul.

Do not surrender. Please, don't surrender to the monster. Stand firm, take a deep breath, take a moment and remember who you are. Remember who you are, why you are here, and where you want to go. Does this moves you forward or does it stop you? Think good and hard, before your action and not after. As I write these words I am after the deed, I am experienced, like so many other experienced times before, but have I really learned something? Or do all the words that are pouring out of me do so in vain?

At the moment I feel this huge frustration, beyond the financial loss, I feel empty. Empty mentally, empty emotionally, and empty spiritually. I have no capability to write, I have no capability to create. I am a slave in the hands of the big machine directing me like a marionette. But my spine is no thread. It is a spine, and it's mine, and the one who will determine who leads who, is me, and not this stupid urge that is nesting somewhere deep inside of me. I know this urge, I know it better then he thinks. I know it, and it is like a wild child that wouldn't listen to a thing till his desires are fulfilled. But today it is not his desire that will be done. It is mine. Today I rule and dominate; I rise up my spine, and decide to continue my life, walking the path I have chosen, a path of opening the heart, a path of ceaseless creativity, a path of unordinary life, of life bigger then life. The true path to this life is a mosaic of numerous cross roads, that each and every one of them is meaningful and they become more and more meaningful. And on this cross road I have a choice, I have the choice and I am choosing right. I am choosing good and not bad. I am choosing love and not frustration. I am choosing creativity and not the blocks. This is a block. What kind of a healthy logic will send me straight into a block? And it's not the first time, it's a circle, and getting into a circle is so easy but getting out, getting out is the problem. I already know how hard it is to go out, and it is much better not even to go in, then later trying to go out.

So, the answer is NO, Unequivocal, No. Give it up. It doesn't make any sense, it has no meaning. So even if there is provocation in the air, even if your fingers tickle, even if you flitter on the words here and don't really listen to their content, somewhere inside of you, you know the truth. There is a nice bloke inside that knows, that understands, a sensitive bloke that wants also to be expressed, that needs his time, that just waits you let him grow, develop, love. This bloke is you. He is your true essence. You have the power to connect to him and to live a truly magnificent life, and you have the power to shut his mouth, kick his ribs, and go and play backgammon. (Shesh- Besh)

Now Choose.